One more way to enjoy bacon

It’ been awhile since I’ve written about exciting, new culinary adventures, but with Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching, I cannot resist the yearnings of my sweet tooth. Of course, this may have more to do with the current stress I’ve put myself under concerning our taxes and the fact that my sister seems to rake in a seemingly effortless refund each year while we scramble to find a legal way to claim the dog as a dependent. Anxiety never fails to awaken my chocolate cravings.

Almost twelve years ago, my brother, Adam, sent me a box of chocolate-covered potato chips and I have never forgotten the delicious mix of salty-sweet heavenly goodness that coated my pleasantly surprised taste buds. Had I known I’d never find that specific quality of chocolate chip again, perhaps I would’ve taken more time to savor them.

I just received word of a new treat at Jack in the Box. Unfortunately, we don’t have this fast food chain available here in the Sunshine State which makes me sad because they have tasty burgers. Before you want to go dig up a twenty year old E. coli story, remember that the contaminated beef originated from a supplier, not the restaurant chain, and the outbreak sparked a change in hamburger cooking temperatures across the United States (much to the chagrin of medium rare lovers).

Jack’s newest campaign is centered on bacon which is probably the most unhealthy food ever sliced off the belly fat of an animal. In fact, bacon may be partially responsible for cardiovascular disease, as well as greatly contribute to the formation of cankles.

I love bacon as much as the next person who isn’t philosophically opposed to eating swine and other cloven-hooved beasts, but Jack in the Box took America’s love of bacon to a level that may challenge the fabric of our very being: the bacon milkshake.

Before you react with negativity, let’s consider the flavor combination for a moment. I’ve already confessed that the mixture of salt and sweet made a favorable companionship on my palate, so I want to give the bacon milkshake the benefit of the doubt.

There isn’t actual bacon in the shake; instead, it is syrup flavored like bacon. I’ve watched several videos of people trying the concoction and from what I can surmise the shake is a lard-colored, overly sweet creamy treat with a smoky aftertaste. The taste testers are staunchly divided into lovers and haters of the shake.

When I finished watching the videos, the neurons in my brain began rapidly firing their “invention” sequence. I thought to myself, “We have the bacon shake, the coffee shake, and every Christmas someone puts out the eggnog shake. So what’s missing? That’s it! Damara, you’re a genius!”

I began to write out my big idea to make millions, but when I did an online search, I discovered that a company in Japan already invented a maple pancake milkshake. It would seem that the breakfast milkshake family has been completed. If anyone desires to send themselves into complete sugar shock by utilizing only appropriately flavored milkshakes before 9 in the morning, the tools are available, if not advisable.

I wonder if taste testers are needed for other meals. Lunch and dinner are untapped reservoirs of possibilities. Think of it: meatloaf, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, green beans, and lasagna. I think I’ll leave these things up to the experts. They say what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, but I think I’ll play it safe for now.