Precious memories come with a price

This past week, a very important milestone was reached in the life of our 6-year old daughter: She lost her first tooth. I was beginning to worry that she’d never let this one go because it had been wiggling for about 5 weeks.

I remember when I was growing up and all the adults would offer their assistance when you told them about an unstable incisor. For some reason, they thought the best course of action was to shove a washcloth in your mouth and grab ahold of the slippery surface so they could pull it free.

What was the purpose of this expedited detachment? I’m still not sure.

I think it was my dad who told me that, when he was a kid, his dad did the “doorknob tied to a length of string that was tied to the tooth” setup which quickly yanked the offending unstable object out of the dental lineup forever. I’m pretty certain this was done solely to give children nightmares.

If you ask any credible dentist, I’m sure they’ll tell you to never do this. I’m just glad it was never done to me.

My best lost tooth happened thanks to a big wad of grape bubble gum. I had about 5 pieces in my mouth that I was happily chomping on when, all of a sudden, I crunched down on my tooth. The gum had pulled it free in a very painless manner, but the feeling of chewing my own tooth was a little unsettling.

With my children, I never felt the need to force their teeth free, but opted instead to let them fall out in their own time.

This brings me to the topic of the Tooth Fairy.

Even though I’m philosophically opposed to the whole idea of the Tooth Fairy, I’d be the biggest jerk in the world if I took that away from my daughter after letting my son have some fun with it.

The big question is, how much does this dental sprite think a tooth is worth, you know, with inflation and all?

I asked my daughter, “What do you think the Tooth Fairy is going to leave you tonight?”

Let me just fill in a little gap here and say that her tooth fell out at children’s church. The previous week during children’s church, she wrote “Boob” on the dry erase board. It’s debatable whether or not she’s been exceptionally good overall.

She thought for a moment and said, “Hmmm, I don’t know. Ninety dollars?”

“WHAT?” I was astounded. That is an expensive lower central incisor (number 25 for all you dental folks).  Assuming it weighs about one gram, her tooth was worth roughly twice its weight in gold, which is, at this moment, selling at $51.08 per gram.

I explained to her that a first tooth was special, but that was a lot of money. She reduced her estimate to forty followed by thirty dollars, but I was still not encouraging about her prospects.

I told her to think a lot less and she said, “How about eleven dollars?”

I asked how she arrived at that number and she responded, “Well, it’s more than ten!”

After all that manipulation, we slipped five bucks under her pillow. I know that is still way too much for a tooth, but her excitement over finding that money was worth every dollar.

One thing is for certain, we are discovering that daughters are way more expensive than sons.