I make this plea to the powers that
be because it seems that all the craziest, most off-the-wall news occurs right
here in the Sunshine State and I really don’t like to believe that people from
my home state can possibly be so deranged.
I once had a theory that the sun was
actually to blame for higher levels of insanity because the closer you get to
the equator in any given population around the world, there seems to be more
violence, less clothing, and increased acts of psychotic behavior.
That doesn’t mean that some lone nut
like a Ted Bundy can’t be spawned out of the Pacific Northwest, but he did make
his way to Florida before he was captured.
This all leads up to the most recent
in Florida’s shaming news: the manatee wrangler. This woman decided it would be
okay to hop on top of one of these endangered mammal’s backs for a little ride.
When I read the headline, I knew it
happened at one of our beaches because where else do they have manatees? The
photo revealed that she was wearing a bikini top mismatched with a pair of swim
shorts which screamed “FLORIDA!” without even having to confirm whether or not
she was sporting a pair of flip flops, the footwear of choice for just about
anyone calling our state home.
I will shamefully admit that I
laughed aloud when I saw the pictures and I won’t even try to defend this
reaction. Sometimes things are just funny, even when an adorable animal on the
verge of extinction is being harassed.
For one thing, the woman did not
look flattering in any way. One of my biggest fears is that someone will snap a
photo of me in my bathing suit when I don’t know they are doing it. Heck, even
if I do know, I wouldn’t like it. No view is a good view as far as I’m
concerned because I’m not 22 years old anymore.
Anyway, she wasn’t exactly posing
for the camera and she didn’t look to have very good control over the situation
which is understandable considering the fact that she most likely forgot to
bring her manatee riding gear to the beach that day.
The other reason the photo was
humorous is that I have never in my wildest dreams thought to ride a sea cow!
They seem to glide through the water at their own slow pace chewing on aquatic
plants and basically don’t bother anyone.
Manatees remind me of myself on
land; lumbering around unable to avoid running into anything that moves with
any type of accelerated motion. Perhaps manatees are a bit more graceful in
their underwater habitat than I am in my own, but they aren’t constantly trying
to avoid my son’s skateboard carelessly discarded by the side door. Then again,
I’m not always looking over my shoulder for oncoming propellers or women who
think I’m some kind of entertainment recently escaped from a Sea World side
show.
The manatee wrangler turned herself
in to the authorities with the excuse that she is new to town and didn’t know
any better.
I’m guessing the law will have to be
changed because of this woman’s actions. I’m looking forward to seeing what
those new signs will look like.
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