There are countless food items from around the world that are of questionable consumption. I’m not referring to items people eat that we really shouldn’t, such as fried green beans, gravy, and cookie dough. In fact, my husband advised me not to eat cookie dough just last night, but I can’t seem to resist its delicious sinfulness. I only had a teaspoon which, I choose to believe, greatly reduces my chances of contracting salmonella.
The foods in question are more like a certain dish enjoyed in parts of Asia: the century egg. It is essentially a rotten egg that is so spoiled it is somehow okay to eat. I can’t imagine putting this “delicacy” to my lips once the ammonia and sulfur odor infiltrated my nasal cavity and caused my olfactory nerve to warn my brain that what I smelled was a mix of brimstone and cat urine. This would cause my brain to declare: “Warning! Do not put this in your mouth or I swear I will turn on your vomiting center just for spite!”
I’m not coming down on rotten food either because I really like aged cheeses which usually smell like gym socks. I just don’t think of old eggs as something to experiment with too much.
As for shear appearance, the goeduck (pronounced “gooey duck”) that can be dug up out of the mucky Pacific Northwest shoreline is basically a huge clam that looks outrageously obscene. They can live for over 100 years and, on average, grow about a foot long.
I like clams; in soup and fried is fine with me and they are small enough so that I don’t have to think too much about what they look like. If someone slapped a goeduck on a plate and told me I had to eat it, after blushing profusely, I’d either run away or start to cry.
I will give an honorable mention, but refuse to discuss Rocky Mountain oysters.
Then there is Spam: a salty, “meatish” product that is crazy popular in Hawaii. Spam has been around since 1937 which means that it has some sort of weird staying power. There is a whole culture dedicated to preparation and consumption of Spam.
I’m not a fan, myself. I do enjoy the occasional canned product like tuna fish, beans, diced tomatoes, and sweetened condensed milk, but canned chicken or pork does nothing to whet my appetite.
This all leads up to a very disturbing bit of knowledge I just received from my sister’s boyfriend, Shannon. He thought I should be informed of a particular product that the Swiss have pushed onto grocery shelves: the canned cheeseburger.
I don’t know where to begin with this one. For starters, thank goodness this didn’t originate in America and my heartfelt appreciation goes out to the FDA for not allowing its sale in the United States.
I visited the link, conspicuously called “cheeseburgerinacan.com” and read in disbelief a little about this product. Being the skeptic, I had to assess for authenticity so I did a Google search which led me to a video of how to prepare the abomination.
First, you boil the can in water for ten minutes for that fresh cheeseburger temperature to be achieved. Next, pop the dual-sided lids and slide your meaty treat onto your plate. Enjoy!
The guy in the video cautiously picked apart the burger for inspection. It appears to come complete with bun, tomato, and some green debris that resembles dehydrated lettuce.
I don’t care nor do I want to ever know how this thing tastes. All I keep thinking is that its existence means we are that much closer to the apocalypse. Thanks a lot, Switzerland. You have disturbed me beyond comprehension.
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