A very important discussion

“Mom! Where did Adam and Eve live?”

We were in the car on our way home after leaving the grocery store a couple months ago and this was the beginning of what I thought was going to be a theological discussion with my daughter.

“Well, honey, some people think that it was located in what is now modern-day Iraq.” Hold on, stupid. You are making this too complicated. “What I mean to say is that they lived in the Garden of Eden.”
“Yeah, Mom, but then they met a snake and ate that apple and God kicked them out. Where did they go then?” She was very interested in this.

“Well, they lived in the regular world like the rest of us.”

“Okay. So when they lived there, where did they poop?” I knew it. I knew there was more to this than simple biblical interest.

“What I mean is that they didn’t have toilets and water running under the ground so what happened to their poop?” I was proud that she knew about the general idea of underground water whisking away excrement; kudos to her.

Thus began a long and detailed discussion about the luxury of pooping in the wilderness. I told her early people had the options of going right out in the open, by a bush, behind a tree, or digging a hole and burying it like a cat.

“Couldn’t people just poop in the water?”

“Well,” I said, “You don’t want to go and poop in the water because you drink water and eat fish from the water. That would be like pooping where you eat and that’s not a good idea.”
“Mom! I don’t mean like that kind of water!” She pointed out the window of the car towards Lake Jackson. “I mean like salty water. You can’t drink that!”

“I’m sure lots of people pooped in water, salt and fresh. Like sailors would poop in the ocean before toilets were on boats.”

We moved on to the invention of outhouses and the rooms inside of castles that contained benches with holes leading to long poop chutes that carried waste to the outside walls. She thought this was utterly disgusting.

Ever since that day, she has not dropped the subject. Direct quotes have included: “Did Adam and Eve have kids? Did they poop in a hole? Did Jesus poop in a hole? Did people use their hands to dig the hole before they pooped in it?”

I picked her up from church just this past Wednesday and the first words from her mouth were, “Mom, I don’t want to travel back in time because I don’t want to have to poop in a hole.”

I can’t imagine ever going rustic camping with this child. It would be her nightmare come to life. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t like it either. I’m a modern amenities type of woman.

Even though she seems timid about the prospect of outdoor potty time, she isn’t at all shy about her body functions. We were at Walmart a couple weeks ago and she loudly proclaimed exactly what she was doing in her stall so that the entire women’s restroom could hear. This probably comes from having an older brother.

I suppose she will outgrow her fascination with historical bowel practices. If not, she may become one of the most educated gastro-intestinal doctors the world has ever known. Until then, I’ll try to keep up with her inquisitive mind.