Back in the exam chair

This week I was fortunate enough to partake in one of the great pleasures of human existence. What could be so wonderful that I must share it with everyone? After at least six years of hiding out, I finally visited the dentist.

I know what you’re thinking, “The dentist! Who in their right mind thinks it is fun to go to the dentist?” The truth is I don’t think it is fun so much as I just really needed to go. I desired that smooth feeling of my tongue sliding along the back of my freshly polished choppers, not to mention it was a good idea to check and see if any cavities were creeping their way into my teeth.

I believe I am an above average tooth brusher. I brush at least three times a day and sometimes more if I get a funky feeling in my mouth. Flossing is another story. I do floss, but usually only the front row. Also, I don’t floss down to the root of my tooth like they do at the dentist’s office. “Of course my gums bled. You just flossed up to my nasal cavity!”

My first trip with Dr. Chen’s staff was for an evaluation and my least favorite aspect of dental care: x-rays. I loathe holding those stiff bitewing things in my mouth for any length of time even if they have slightly improved from what they used to be back in the 80s.

We didn’t do anything on the first day except talk about my one cavity and schedule my next visit to take care of that sucker and get a cleaning. I couldn’t wait. It had to be done before my best friend, Cozette, arrived for my birthday weekend. She’s a dental hygienist and I wanted a bright smile when I picked her up at the airport.

My big day arrived and I was brushed and fully flossed. It didn’t matter. When the lady started cleaning with the sonic pick, it felt like all my teeth must have been triple coated in plaque.

Throughout the cleaning, I had to consciously stop my tongue from fighting the invading fingers and tools. I don’t know why, but my tongue wants to go to war with anything that enters my mouth. I guess it is just a basic desire to digest food. Perhaps my mouth wants me to eat live animals. I have no clue.

When I wasn’t thinking about my tongue, I was focused on not swallowing. For some reason, I find the need to swallow exponentially more than I would normally.  It doesn’t matter that I have a suction device that rids me of excess moisture, I become desperate to gulp something, anything down my gullet.

Throughout this silent torture, I had my hands pleasantly clasped on my belly and my legs crossed. On the outside, I looked like I was lounging at the beach. There was no way I was going to show anyone what a big baby I am.

Finally, the filling was getting done. I got a nice shot of Novocain and my jaw, lips, and half my tongue went numb while my tooth got drilled and filled. I hoped I wouldn’t be pulled over for speeding on the way home because I was seriously slurring my speech.

I left completely satisfied. The staff was stellar and so was my new shining smile. Just like every other dental visit in my life, I made an empty promise to floss more. We’ll see about that.